Just to sort my mind out haha

Be brave enough to be alone

Maintain a stable relationship
Have a good guy that is always there for me
Fall for him at the first sight
Survive the three years LDR
Get a job, travel around with love
Share every single thing in the life with the same person
Isolate myself from everything that is labelled dangerous
Live the life everybody wants me to
Be a good girl
Stay in my own small world
Having a simple life

No, I can't, I seriously can't...
Maybe in the future
Or maybe I'm just gonna stay single to the end of my life HAHA
But definitely not at the age of 20

Someone told me that it's always the most broken people
that are the nicest ones
I mean, I know it hurts,
but believe me I tried my best to minimise the impact
Don't want to do this after I've done something wrong
Cause I know I will

You know what
Freedom is like a drug
The effect is not just physical
It's something really amazing that makes my soul feels alive
Being independent enough
To do whatever my heart tells me
Without getting restricted by all the traditional values
Never have I ever feel so sexy until I tried it HAHA

Still wanna thanks to Edward
For being the one that broke all my values
No words can describe how big the impact was on me
From the super obedient little girl
To the girl that forced herself to be brave enough to make decision against her everything
Friends, values, pride
Literally everything
Although he wouldn't want me to change this way haha
But the process of me reconstructing myself
I have to say
I got no regrets and I really appreciate him coming into my life

And Eejian
Thanks for being at my side
I can't imagine how you stayed loyal to such a girl like me for so long
Maybe I was too nice before Edward
And you are always hoping that one day I can reverse all the changes I made to myself
I know this is harsh but
Getting back together with you after Edward
I have to say it was the biggest mistake I made
Sorry I shouldn't heal my broken heart
Through using up all your kindness
I thought I could fix this mistake
By staying with you
Fulfilling all the dreams we made
I thought I could fix it by giving you my whole life
But little do you know that
Every time when I was tipsy and my brain can't manipulate me
There was always a sound
Telling me that I should let you go
And you don't know how much I hate myself
For having that thought after everything you did for me
You really deserve a better girl

I guess I kinda have the talent
of sorting things out in my life haha
And I'm actually quite grateful for it
I always know what to do to fix myself
It sounds ridiculous sometimes
Like how I finally decided to give Edward a birthday call after avoiding him for one year
Everyone thought that I was crazy
It was like me disturbing my own peaceful life
But deep down in my heart
I know that I wasn't alright for that whole year although I looked fine
And I really wanted to fix it
So I gave him a call, I still remember how nervous I was
And then I found out that the special guy in my memory
Chose to live the normal life everybody wants him to
And then you know what
I literally just got over everything, yes by just one call
Nobody believes it because my way of dealing with things that bother my mind
always sounds so crazy hahaha
But I know I did it, 100% recovered from the dramas

And...
My decision to break up
It was actually the same thing
But with a much longer time taken to decide
I know this is cruel
But please don't hate me
It took me two years to finally made up my mind and I know this is what I really want
OK f me

I know everybody gonna think that
I broke up to party harder/fck around etc
Even you haih
But I know I won't hahah
Guess I'm the only one that believes it but yeah I know I won't

Ok gonna stop here and continue my soul searching journey hahaha
I really hope that one day you will understand me
And have the same courage as me
To do what you want
Instead of living in others expectation and become an ordinary guy like how Edward become less attractive to me

Cheers and brace up! The journey has just begun ;)